


In Which Paper Tastes Disgusting

by Criminal_Blinds (IronicAppreciation)



Series: The Blood of the Bond is Thicker Than the Water of the Womb [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, complete garbage, don't read it, this was a terrible idea, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9346085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronicAppreciation/pseuds/Criminal_Blinds
Summary: "Seriously. The pain of arithmetic supersedes any possible benefits.""Correction, my dear Jennifer: there ARE no benefits. Unless you count looking up the teacher's skirt when you're sitting in the front row."Teen AU-Emily and jj pass notes in class





	

Emily was bored.

  
Geometry was a pain in the ass, she decided with an inaudible groan, stifling some choice words under her slick tongue as she set her forehead against the affirmingly cool wood of the desktop and attempted to ignore the droning of trigonometry theories bouncing about restlessly in her brain. The buzzing of the faulty air conditioner moaned its discontent as Ms. Croft drew yet _another fucking triangl_ _e_  on the whiteboard and scrawled in her shitty, chicken scratch handwriting the deplorably familiar Pythagorean theorem next to it. _A squared plus B squared equals fucking kill me now._ Emily snorted at her own crude, pathetic sense of humor as her mind wilted conformingly to the redundant and horrifically _dull_ pattern of _leg hypotenuse leg_. When she found herself all but _falling asleep_ at the mere sight of the pertinent three sided figures, she opted instead to stare at the back of the bright blonde head in front of her, allowing efflorescent brown irises to peek out from underneath her dark bangs. Absentmindedly, Emily found herself evaluating the individual hues that contorted ultimately into thin tendrils of soft hair belonging to her classmate, ruffled and disturbed from a full schoolday of predispositioned madness, which, it appeared, was quite compositely _AWFUL_ for one’s capillaries. She chortled again as she fiddled with the corner of her notebook paper, finally capitulating and succumbing to the innane urge to tear something into bloody pieces.  
Wrenching the college ruled page free from the devastating clutches of her math book with an exhilarating _rip_ , she began quickly scribbling in her own minute, messy handwriting, pausing briefly to ensure that the note was at least partially legible. Satisfied with her daunting work, she innocently prodded at the hair-draped shoulder in front of her, as discreetly and inconspicuously as she could manage. _So_ discreetly, she discovered in dismay, that the narrow frame whose attention she’d been luring simply shrugged the movement off, barely noticing it at all. Disheartened, Emily tried again with a frown, this time eliciting an unconscious noise of dispute as she poked at the other girl’s back. Rolling her eyes, she reluctantly despaired unto the only method that always, infallibly worked, and pursed her lips with a swift, precise whisper.  
“ _JJ!”_  
The JJ turned immaculately upon being addressed, just as she always did, and Emily grinned warmly as she brittlely, pleasantly flaunted the note in the other girl’s face, positively beaming as she took the page and scoffed good naturedly.  
The JJ then proceeded to unfold the horrendously crumpled and implausibly indecipherable cryptix and snickered as she glared at the inscrutable gibberish.  
_Jaaaaaaaaayyyyjjjje. I'm booooooooored._  
Within three seconds, the note had transcended another layer of intermediate tampering and found its way back to Emily, bearing the message:  
_Good for yooooooooou._  
Emily gasped in poorly feigned horror as she mocked appal, scrutinizing to recount her friend’s indisputable lack of sympathy in her concise retort. On and on the small strip of paper went, until, within the last five minutes of the dreary period, it read:  
_Jaaaaaaayyyyjjje. I'm booooooooorrrred._  
_Good for yooooooou.  
Wow. How rude. Don't I even get a bit of unbridled pity?  
Why should I pity you? Everyone in this horrid class is at this moment mutually suffering.  
Lol true. :P  
Seriously. The pain of arithmetic supersedes whatever benefit might be gained.  
Correction, my dear Jennifer: there is no benefit. Unless you count looking up Ms. Croft’s skirt when you're sitting in the front.  
EMILY!! :o  
Am I wRONG?!  
I mean, they're high school boys; what do you expect?  
Yes but I'm not wrong.  
Sigh. No I guess you're not.  
Did you just say ‘sigh’ out loud?  
Fite me.  
;)  
What the hell what does that even mean?!  
;) ;) ;) ;)  
Stop.  
;(_  
“JENNIFER JAREAU AND EMILY PRENTISS!”  
The volatile bark from the front of the classroom caused both girls to jump abruptly, looking up at the suddenly menacing figure of the petite professor crossing her arms and snarling at them, grimace muddying her conventionally attractive features with a repugnantly vehement glower.  
“Ladies, in _what_ way can you _possibly_ think it even _remotely_ acceptable to be passing notes at any point in time during my _class_?” She demanded with a huff.  
Emily gulped at the disorienting whirlwind of a question as JJ visibly shriveled into the crevices of her seat, and her eyes shifted fleetingly to the paper lying absently, woefully discarded on the corner of her desk. In a brilliant moment of inference and panic-induced affiliation, Emily successively _floundered_ , grabbing the note before Ms. Croft could even _approach_ and frantically contemplating methods of disposal because _there was absolutely no way in hell that her teacher could EVER see what lewd and horrifically inappropriate implications were written on it._ Officially desperate and finding herself with no other feasible options, she did the only reasonable thing one could do in such precarious situations; stuffed the paper into her mouth and tried not to gag as she swallowed.  
In the seconds subsequent to her eloquent feat of paper-consumption, Emily would remember not only the _putrid_ taste of cheap, tawdry 99 cent notebook but also the gaping, incredulous stares of disbelief from both her classmates and her perilously reddening teacher as she tried to process what had happened. For what felt like agonizing hours the class remained nonchalantly leering at her unfathomable fuckery, until she was quite literally _saved by the bell_ , the relinquishing alarm of freedom and prosperity prompting her to grip JJ (who was also staring at her, mouth agape and eyes wide) by the wrist and _run_.  
It was only when they were practically a block from the hellhole that JJ finally appeared to register what the _fuck_ had just transpired, and began laughing so _hard_ , she legitimately had to stop walking for the sole purpose of doubling melodramatically over and sitting on the ground, hacking hilariously and so forcefully that tears seeped from her eyes.

  
7 hours later, Emily would suffer a deliriously dreadful vomiting fit, and would just about never be capable of forgetting the traumatizing terror of _ingesting cellulose_ , but it'd be alright, because JJ’s bright, permeating smile would be totally and completely worth it.

 


End file.
